Pandora - I'm so over you.

Screw you Pandora. How dare you charge me for listening to music all day long during my work day. There are 4 billion free music streaming services out there. You can listen by mood, listen by genre, listen by sexual preference, whatever. And you have the nerve to oust me because I was trying to make my work day more tolerable? It's bad enough I have to listen to your Progressive Auto Insurance ads with that stupid girl "Hi there - Flo here." Why do they even call her Flo? That makes me think of women referring to "Aunt Flo coming to town." That's a marketing campaign aimed at men if I've ever heard one, right up there with the iPad. Pandora, Who do you think you are? I'm switching to Slacker. Speaking of music, anyone have suggestions for free illegal downloads that won't make my computer explode? I'm in the market.

Carstache - this month's Must-Have.

If I had a car in this God forsaken city, I would DEFINITELY have this on the front of it.

My first car was a 1994 green Buick Skylark that was pimped out by the Guido I bought it from down the block. It had tinted windows,a blue light in the passenger seat, a banner on the windshield, and green reverse lights (to match the gorgeous color of the car of course.) I loved it because it was huge and I didn't care about it so I used to crash it into anything I drove past. Not on purpose of course, I'm just a terrible driver and it was easier to crash the skylark in particular due to the pointy nose in the front. It was such a hideous car that I would beep at anyone else in a Buick skylark as a gesture like, "you're embarrassed too right? So am I - I want to drive off the road," which I was usually about to do being that I was balancing my cell phone, various cds, and didn't really know how to drive anyway. I still don't. That's what the E train is for. Thanks MTA by the way for sucking, I wish I could stab the CEO of the MTA in the eye with a pencil like that guy at the Comic book ralley this weekend or just use him as a scapegoat and fire him like Tony Hayward. See below for a pic of a car that looks like my first car but isn't because I couldn't find it.

Shark Attack

Mel G

Advertisement as seen in Metro NY this morning. I obviously only read the classiest free newspapers that have misspellings in the articles and ads for hammertoes and happy ending spas in the city. However, I really enjoyed the clever marketing above, targeting everyone's favorite lunatic - Mel Gibson. Have you not listened to his doctored audio rants? Click here to hear Mel demand at least hummer before bed. Yes, I believe they are doctored but it is still highly entertaining while somewhat disturbing. However, if my boyfriend taped me on the sly when I was going off during an argument I often wonder if I would sound e.x.a.c.t.l.y. like Mel. Maybe I should start hitting up NYSC a bit more. Then again, maybe Mel just has a general anxiety disorder.

Pennies

I vacuum up pennies and when I find them laying around I throw them out. I'm poor, so I totally shouldnt throw money away but one thing I have learned in life is that pennies suck. They should be eliminated from currency. Can you actually buy anything with a penny? You can't even buy a penny in the Press a Penny for a penny. That costs 51 cents. You're paying a machine to MAKE your penny virtually useless, which it already is. Sorry, I know there are a lot of Abe enthusiasts out there, but when I can't even buy a piece of bazooka joe with you, you're done.

passwords

If you were to die TODAY and I.T. needed to know your password, would it be the end of your reputation? See conversation with myself and my dad below.

"Dad give me your password for stubhub, I want to order the Penn State tickets." - Me
"You dont need my password." - My Dad
"Dad just give it to me, I'm calling and don't want a problem on the phone." - Me
"Ok it's B-I-G-T-I-T-S." - Dad
click - Me.